There is not enough time to adequately talk about all of this. Relationships take more dedication than I am prepared to offer-at least right now. For me it takes such a massive amount of dedication just to be myself each day, some days much more than others, that I feel like I’ve fallen out of touch with what a healthy relationship could even feel like because I spend so much energy just on trying to be happy for myself.
There just is not room for another person most of the time, except if I am achingly lonely. To be achingly lonely I don’t necessarily need to be alone either. But what even is a relationship anyways? Don’t more than half of marriages nowadays end in divorce, anyways? That is a statistical fact, I think. So, for that reason I find it troublesome that any of us would even want to be dedicatedly involved with another.
That’s ultimately what a relationship is, yeah? A trial run at marriage in a way…two people roleplaying at being dedicated to each other. Then after awhile we gauge what we think of the other person’s output, more or less. I mean, when people say, ‘oh I have a boyfriend/girlfriend,’ that is kind of what I am envisioning.
There are different kinds of relationships, too. To me, the most significant one I could engage in is one of genuine love. To me, I understand that love is such a powerful anesthetic, as I experienced it myself; love is that feeling where you, in your bones, know that you want to be a better person because of another person. Love is where you just simply cannot envision life without that person (and if you’re a real badass, you nearly die if you do lose that person); when your mind is playing out scenarios that end revolving around that person’s presence.
Earlier I used “roleplaying” purposefully. That is what I think a lot of people do; they are just roleplaying. Roleplaying, but yet I still referred to as something different, something more genuine. They are not living it, breathing it, being sustained from it. Love is something where you really don’t have to try at all; it just is . Everyone should just want to be better in some small way every single day. Humans do things one day at a time and all anyone can control is what is right in front of them. The day that’s right in front of us is the only thing we can control at any time.
There is no rush to find someone, to be with someone, to have a sense of accomplishment from having someone appreciate you. One thing I have found to be true in life thus far is that there are new avenues and alleyways of existing that we all can explore everyday. When I was younger and I competed as a wrestler, my dad would always utter, there’s always somebody better out there.
The same thing goes for dating. You never know who that person is going to meet today, and you never know who you are going to meet today. So take each day as it comes. Don’t have any expectations and try to focus on just being the best you that you can be, everyday. Sometimes I have to break things down hour by hour, even minute by minute, when things are tough, so stay the course. Let’s all go out and just try to be the best versions of ourselves each day, one day at a time, and see what happens.
N.L. is a Creative Writing major and is a Contributing Writer for The Voice.