In recent years, sex has become a more socially acceptable topic to discuss, especially among teens and young adults. However, many of us may not recognize the difference between having healthy discussions with others about being or wanting to be sexually active vs. feeling pressured to engage in sexual activity.
Sex Positivity
Familiarize and accept your sexuality, bodily autonomy, and sexual desires.
This begins with you. Learning to love who you are in the most intimate ways should always come first before getting others involved. Sexuality can be a very confusing and difficult concept for some, but it’s essential to recognize that this is a part of you that cannot be ignored or shamed.
Stop judging other people’s consensual sexual practices
Other people’s cup of tea may not be yours, and that is perfectly okay. As long as consent comes first, the practices of other people are their decisions that do not involve you. Mind your business. There is no need to spread more negativity in this world, especially for something as stigmatized as sex.
Communicating about sex and your boundaries in an open-minded and clear way.
Communication is one of the most important aspects of any relationship. Without being open and honest, how are you supposed to know how your partner is feeling, and how are they supposed to know what you want?
Respecting you and your sexual partner’s boundaries and communicating your sexual wants and needs to partners will only help you in the long run. Be open to new experiences, but always remember, your partner should never pressure you to do something you are not comfortable with.
Engaging and educating oneself in safe sex practices
Advocating for your own sexual health is an absolute priority, as well as educating yourself and others about what it means to have safe sex. Unsafe practices that might seem fine at the moment are never worth the possible consequences. Bloomsburg University has many resources on campus such as STI testing, the Health and Wellness Center, Birth Control, pregnancy tests, and condom kits. Always take care of yourself and practice the necessary precautions before engaging in any sort of sexual activity. There’s no shame in being safe.
Listening compassionately and non-judgmentally to others about their relationship to sex
Everyone has their own perspective on sex, and it’s important to keep an open mind because their perspective might have a positive impact on yours. There’s a spectrum to everything, even when it comes to how people view engaging in sexual activity. Once again, communication plays a big role in having a healthy relationship with sex and your sexual partners. We all have opinions and even experiences to share, so refrain from judging others for being willing to open up about an intimate topic.
Consent
Consent is cool and always necessary. Don’t be a loser and attempt anything without getting verbal consent from your partner. Also, just because two people have been dating for a long time or have partaken in sexual activity previously does not mean that asking for consent stops. It’s needed every single time.
Peer Pressure
“Everybody is doing it.”
No, they’re not, and even if they are, this is your experience, not theirs. Go at your own pace. Sex should be a healthy and well-considered decision rather than something to be rushed just because everyone else is allegedly doing it. Even though you may feel as if you’re surrounded by couples or sexually active people does not mean you need to “catch up.”
“We’ve been dating a while…”
There is no set time in a relationship for when to start having sex, and there never will be. If you and your partner are planning to become sexually active with each other, it should be a mutual agreement and not when only one of you is ready.
“Don’t you love me?”
A partner should never, ever guilt trip their significant other into sex. Healthy sex is not a transaction, nor is it something done to prove your love for someone.
Teasing others for being a virgin
Leave the high school lunch table insults behind and act like mature adults. There is absolutely no shame in being a “virgin” or abstaining from sexual activity for any reason at all.
“Just this once.”
Give them an inch, and they’ll take a mile. The moment a manipulative partner knows that they can get something they want from you, they’ll continue to exploit it. It’s almost never “just the one time,” which is why setting boundaries for ourselves with partners who actually listen is always encouraged. You should always be heard and taken seriously when it comes to willingness and readiness to be intimate with a partner.
Places encouraging/expecting sexual activity
Just because you’re at a party, on a date, or at any place that may elicit sexual behavior does not mean everyone wants to partake. Consent is always necessary, regardless of where you are and who you are with.
Sexual Coercion
Sexual coercion is the act of using pressure, persistence, alcohol/drugs, or force to have sexual contact with someone against their will. The scale of severity ranges from nagging someone to forcing them into doing something they do not consent to. Regardless of severity, sexual coercion is never present in a healthy relationship and should never be used on another individual.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence of any form, contact the following campus resources:
Office of Title IX:
570-389-4808
Women’s Resource Center
570-389-5283
