Feeling incompatible in bed with a partner can be a common feeling in new relationships. You may find the person to be otherwise interesting and fun, but the sex may be not what you hoped for.

     This is okay! Some common issues you may come across is fulfilling needs, sex drives and submission. Other challenges may appear but fear not because there are methods to getting through them.   

     It can be upsetting and carry a feeling of being let down when sex isn’t as planned with your perfect partner. If you already know you are not one to be outspoken especially during sex, it can be difficult to express what needs you have and what you wish to do.

     You may feel awkward to initiate sex and your partner may feel the same. If you are in a new relationship, you don’t know what your partners triggers and turn on’s are so you’re left to guess. You can be into dirty talk during sex but don’t know the right things to say. It is so awkward! You do you say “You’re doing a good job”? It is important to talk these things out with your partner. With dirty talk, it can become easier when you know what your partner likes so you can use it in bed.

     You also must communicate how far you are willing to go, no matter how shy you may be. You can’t leave your partner guessing if you wish to try a different position or want to change to oral sex. If you enjoy being on top during sex, then tell them.

     No matter the sexual act, make sure to communicate with them what you want done to you, and what you want to do to them. Concent is always something to think about every time you have sex, and by asking your partner what is and isn’t good, you have  a solid starting point for understanding what they like and dislike under the sheets.

     Negotiation can also be another method if you wish to pursue different experiences. Sometimes in my relationship, my partner will tell me that they wish I was more dominant and to take initiatives when I want to make out with them or to tell them if I’m horny. Because we discuss this, I know for the future to be more spontaneous.  

     When comparing sex drives, there is a long myth that boys have higher sex drives than girls. In my opinion, this is not true. I think I have the same sex drive as my partner no matter what the situation may be. There will be times I may not be in the mood but that is like everyone.

    Feeling rejected, however, when your partner is not in the mood can cause you feel incompatible and distant. It is impractical to think you  should have sex with your partner every second of everyday, but it is understandable to feel let down or disappointed when you are horny and your partner isn’t.

     You should never persist to annoy your partner by nagging them about sex but finding a common ground to prevent conflictions. Once again, consent is always a must, so don’t pry or force your partner into anything they don’t want to do.

     A method you can try toward matching up is organizing an agreement on how often you both want to have sex. This may seem like a “married couple” type of thing but it will provide reassurance for both of you. Date nights are a popular thing when times get busy, so this sets time aside for you and your partner.

     Your partner probably has certain desires they wish to be fulfilled and be heard on a level deeper than sex itself.  This will focus less on certain incompatibilities and more on activities satisfying both parties.  

     An additional suggestion would be to have a sex journal for you and your partner to reflect on. Like a recipe book, this can be helpful for the two of you to see what you’ve tried, what you haven’t, what you’ve liked, and what you didn’t.

     Remember with everything you do with your partner please be safe and have fun. Communication is key! Talk over your thoughts, needs, desires, fantasies and everything in between. The goal is to have a happy sex life with your partner and fix the feeling of incompatibilities if it seems to be a problem.  It is important to understand the other persons needs and limits in order to move forward in your sex life. I hope all will be well and continue being the “horny husky” we all are.